Editors Note: I have to apologize for the lateness of this blog post. I thought I had the post scheduled to publish on December 26th. Upon further investigation I discovered that the post was scheduled for December 26, 2013... So, in the immortal words of Yakko Warner, "Go figure."
You'd think that my being somewhat in touch with Santa Claus during the holidays would have allowed him to work his magic on what ended up in my Christmas stocking this year... It seems logical, doesn't it? But, somehow not a thing ended up in my stocking that was compatible with my new reduced-sugar-blood-glucose-friendly lifestyle. I'm confident that a little while after Santa left the North Pole to make his deliveries there was an elf looking at a pile of diabetes friendly treats sitting on one of the workbenches scratching his head and wondering how the treats hadn't found their way into Santa's bag and onto his sleigh. I'm sure that when Santa got to my home he was scratching his head too. I'm sure that they both had a small cry over their hot chocolate about the whole debacle after Santa arrived home and had woken from a well-deserved nap.
Meanwhile back at Casa de Eric's there was much joy and mayhem occurring throughout the home as little ones were waking and enjoying the day. Ruckus and joy - how could anything be wrong or out of place? But there was. Sitting in the corner of the room was a man whose facial expression contained the look of a little boy being left out. A man watching every bite and morsel disappear into his children's mouths. A man wondering, "What happened Santa?!?!?!?"
Now don't get me wrong, we had a beautiful Christmas. It was a Christmas to remember. It was a day when all the children got along and no Band-Aids were required. It was a day when there was gratitude for all that was given and for those doing the giving. It was memorable and special. It was also the first Christmas where I didn't eat a single piece of candy - and that was a HUGE victory for me. On Christmas my willpower soared higher than Apollo 11 during the first moon landing. And it was a good day!
So, to everyone out there, just remember that there's always hope. And with hope comes effort. And with effort comes success.
May you and your families have the most joyous and safe holidays possible.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
And That's The Way It Is...
Twenty six years. It can't be that long... Twenty six years ago this week Bruce Hornsby and the Range hit number one with "The Way It Is." Wow. My oldest child is now the same age I was when that song came out. Now I feel a wee-bit old...
When I was even younger than I was when Bruce was crooning his hit, our home always watched the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite. Cronkite was the king of honesty in my parents' home and it was a rare day when we would miss his broadcast. Every evening he would end his broadcast with the phrase, "And that's the way it is..." That was Walter Cronkite - straight shooting and matter of fact. So today I'm borrowing Mr. Cronkite's phrase.
Five weeks ago I had my knee scoped (I guess arthroscopic surgery is the technical term). Anyway, the doctor found a severe tear of my meniscus. He trimmed off the tear and cleaned things up inside my knee (the technical term, once again, would be partial medial menisectomy). And with the completion of the surgery my mobility became all but nothing. And, for me, that became "the way it is..."
Until the time of my surgery I was losing weight. I was being more active. I was watching more of what I ate. And then... Snip, snip, snip. My knee was fixed but my activity was gone. Sitting around with not much to do was hard. It has affected my willpower. It has eroded my momentum. "And that's the way it is..."
Now don't get me wrong. I really have had quite a few blessings come from this. For the first 72 hours or so I was totally dependent upon others. That is quite humbling. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes I considered myself fairly independent due to my family connections to the disease. There were things that I didn't know and was surprised to learn from the literature that I received at my diabetes education classes. That was humbling too, but not quite like my surgery. I truly felt I had a good handle on my diabetes - but I really didn't (and still don't). "And that's the way it is..."
My road back from surgery has been fun / painful / happy / sad / frustrating / joyous / maddening / relief. You can pretty much name just about any emotion and I have felt it. Physical Therapy has been quite brutal at times and rather rewarding at others. It truly is a blessing despite the hardship. I dread PT tomorrow but I will go because I need to. "And that's the way it is..."
As difficult as things are right now for me and my family (did I mention that my wife is flat in bed due to surgery to fix a heel bone spur and stretch her achilles tendon?) our lives are truly blessed. As out of control I feel I am with my diabetes right now, I'm still trying. With the holiday madness descending upon us I know that we are going to be ok - that I'm going to be ok - and that I can do this. I can climb this mountain and succeed.
"And that's the way it is..."
When I was even younger than I was when Bruce was crooning his hit, our home always watched the CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite. Cronkite was the king of honesty in my parents' home and it was a rare day when we would miss his broadcast. Every evening he would end his broadcast with the phrase, "And that's the way it is..." That was Walter Cronkite - straight shooting and matter of fact. So today I'm borrowing Mr. Cronkite's phrase.
Five weeks ago I had my knee scoped (I guess arthroscopic surgery is the technical term). Anyway, the doctor found a severe tear of my meniscus. He trimmed off the tear and cleaned things up inside my knee (the technical term, once again, would be partial medial menisectomy). And with the completion of the surgery my mobility became all but nothing. And, for me, that became "the way it is..."
Until the time of my surgery I was losing weight. I was being more active. I was watching more of what I ate. And then... Snip, snip, snip. My knee was fixed but my activity was gone. Sitting around with not much to do was hard. It has affected my willpower. It has eroded my momentum. "And that's the way it is..."
Now don't get me wrong. I really have had quite a few blessings come from this. For the first 72 hours or so I was totally dependent upon others. That is quite humbling. When I was first diagnosed with diabetes I considered myself fairly independent due to my family connections to the disease. There were things that I didn't know and was surprised to learn from the literature that I received at my diabetes education classes. That was humbling too, but not quite like my surgery. I truly felt I had a good handle on my diabetes - but I really didn't (and still don't). "And that's the way it is..."
My road back from surgery has been fun / painful / happy / sad / frustrating / joyous / maddening / relief. You can pretty much name just about any emotion and I have felt it. Physical Therapy has been quite brutal at times and rather rewarding at others. It truly is a blessing despite the hardship. I dread PT tomorrow but I will go because I need to. "And that's the way it is..."
As difficult as things are right now for me and my family (did I mention that my wife is flat in bed due to surgery to fix a heel bone spur and stretch her achilles tendon?) our lives are truly blessed. As out of control I feel I am with my diabetes right now, I'm still trying. With the holiday madness descending upon us I know that we are going to be ok - that I'm going to be ok - and that I can do this. I can climb this mountain and succeed.
"And that's the way it is..."
Friday, December 14, 2012
Newtown, CT
Editors Note: I always wanted this blog to be just about my diabetes. However, due to the events of today I feel like this is appropriate as well. Thanks.
As a parent, my heart aches for those that are and will be affected by the senseless and horrific violence that occurred today in Newtown, CT. at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
But until then I will pray. I will pray that these children and their families are comforted by our Savior Jesus Christ today and always. I will pray that my children come home safe to me once again. And I will pray for one more chance to do things right for each of them.
So tonight, hug and hold your little ones and other loved ones a little closer and pray for those who can’t.
As a parent, my heart aches for those that are and will be affected by the senseless and horrific violence that occurred today in Newtown, CT. at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
I won’t lie – I haven’t read a single story about what has
occurred. I read the headlines with the
quotes of how many beautiful children have had their lives cut short so
tragically and intentionally stay away.
I have a seriously hard time dealing with things such as this as my mind
flashes to the “what ifs:”
- What if it was my child / children?
- What if it wasn’t them but they were the ones who survived?
- What if I something else happens and I never get to hug or hold my little ones again?
- What if, what if, what if…
But until then I will pray. I will pray that these children and their families are comforted by our Savior Jesus Christ today and always. I will pray that my children come home safe to me once again. And I will pray for one more chance to do things right for each of them.
So tonight, hug and hold your little ones and other loved ones a little closer and pray for those who can’t.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Horrendous Holiday Treats
Ok. So horrendous is a pretty harsh word but here's my dilemma: I love holiday treats (to the point of being prepared for their annual associated weight gain). The dilemma is that I'm only allowed 225 grams of carbs per day, split between three meals and three snacks, and with a maximum of 75 grams at any of those meals / snacks. So, being the treat lover that I am I have a problem...
Now, before I go on, I want to mention the following... What you are about to read are the random musings of a sleep deprived, sugar craving, Type 2, non-insulin dependent, diabetic. To be honest, I am grateful that the phrase "non-insulin dependent" describes me. So, don't think I'm complaining or wishing to take shots of insulin by what I'm about to say ('cause I'm not!).
Sometimes I'm a little jealous of my sons Type 1 friend. I try to watch my carbs, but I crave sugar - a lot! I was told once that if I were to give up my diet drinks that craving would diminish over time... (Good luck with that one as it is one of the few "free" flavorful things I get to taste.) But I digress. I am occasionally jealous of our friend in that he gets to eat whatever he wants as long as he bolus's enough insulin to accommodate all of his desired carbs. While I'm left with just plain old willpower...
Willpower. What a word. When it works and you are successful it's an amazing feeling. When it fails it can be one of the lows of lows. "You know better!" "You couldn't even go for one day without failing!" "What were you thinking?" "You suck!" Those little words that you hear every time you're alone, late at night, after falling off the controlled sugar wagon - those daemons that haunt you in an attempt to suck away even more of your willpower.
I never figured out how to deal with willpower issues before becoming a diabetic. And now that the quality of my life, my future, depends upon willpower I MUST find a way to succeed.
Now, before I go on, I want to mention the following... What you are about to read are the random musings of a sleep deprived, sugar craving, Type 2, non-insulin dependent, diabetic. To be honest, I am grateful that the phrase "non-insulin dependent" describes me. So, don't think I'm complaining or wishing to take shots of insulin by what I'm about to say ('cause I'm not!).
Sometimes I'm a little jealous of my sons Type 1 friend. I try to watch my carbs, but I crave sugar - a lot! I was told once that if I were to give up my diet drinks that craving would diminish over time... (Good luck with that one as it is one of the few "free" flavorful things I get to taste.) But I digress. I am occasionally jealous of our friend in that he gets to eat whatever he wants as long as he bolus's enough insulin to accommodate all of his desired carbs. While I'm left with just plain old willpower...
Willpower. What a word. When it works and you are successful it's an amazing feeling. When it fails it can be one of the lows of lows. "You know better!" "You couldn't even go for one day without failing!" "What were you thinking?" "You suck!" Those little words that you hear every time you're alone, late at night, after falling off the controlled sugar wagon - those daemons that haunt you in an attempt to suck away even more of your willpower.
I never figured out how to deal with willpower issues before becoming a diabetic. And now that the quality of my life, my future, depends upon willpower I MUST find a way to succeed.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Dying Little Key Makers
Just so we are clear: because someone is overweight does NOT mean that they will become a diabetic.
It's truly sad that I really have to spell that out. The one thing that I have seen in the media, on blog comments, etc. that really angers me is when someone says that because I am fat I chose to become a type 2 diabetic. Is weight a contributing factor? Probably. The way my doctor explained it to me, however, is that there are little locked doors on each of my cells where sugar enters them. Insulin is the key to unlock those doors. For some reason my cell doors stop opening all the way when the key gets inserted (also known as insulin resistance). My cells then send the message that they are starving. So, the pancreas decides that it isn't making enough keys to do its' job successfully, so it starts requiring all the little key makers to work OVERTIME. (Imagine the hours Santa's elves are currently working and you get a pretty good idea of what is going on...). So the key makers put in their mandatory overtime hours and it seems to be working. However, the pancreas currently suffers from a hiring freeze and no matter what happens the little key makers won't be replaced.
Meanwhile, across town, the sugar storage facility (more commonly called the liver) starts receiving orders to distribute more sugar. When the pancreas hears this it goes,"Uh, what? We already have too much sugar and we're already working overtime to deal with this!" But the liver replies, "Sorry guys, the cells are claiming that they're starving. My whole purpose in life is to take care of those little cells out there and make sure they're happy. Send more sugar!" And, even though there's more sugar than they could use in a century cruising through their little industrial microcosm, the liver dumps more sugar out there for the cells to consume.
Meanwhile, back at the key factory, the workers making the keys start to drop like flies due to the 168 hour work weeks they've been working. It's slowly at first, but soon turns into an epidemic. With nobody to replace the dying workers the factory shuts down and all of a sudden the whole ecosystem collapses.
From what I understand (and I'm no doctor or specialist so this is the world according to Eric) they haven't found the cause as to why insulin resistance occurs. They have some pretty good guesses that seem to be leading in the right direction, but no set in stone answers. Genetics might play a role (my skin and bones vegan non-insulin dependent type 2 diabetic brother seems to confirm that one). Weight might too (me and my heavyset brother seems to confirm that one too). So might additives and preservatives in our food supply. So might... So might... So might... Well, you get the idea.
So, to come full circle, my weight does NOT mean that I CHOSE to become a Type 2 Diabetic. And I think it's pretty darn rude and irresponsible to say that to someone.
It's truly sad that I really have to spell that out. The one thing that I have seen in the media, on blog comments, etc. that really angers me is when someone says that because I am fat I chose to become a type 2 diabetic. Is weight a contributing factor? Probably. The way my doctor explained it to me, however, is that there are little locked doors on each of my cells where sugar enters them. Insulin is the key to unlock those doors. For some reason my cell doors stop opening all the way when the key gets inserted (also known as insulin resistance). My cells then send the message that they are starving. So, the pancreas decides that it isn't making enough keys to do its' job successfully, so it starts requiring all the little key makers to work OVERTIME. (Imagine the hours Santa's elves are currently working and you get a pretty good idea of what is going on...). So the key makers put in their mandatory overtime hours and it seems to be working. However, the pancreas currently suffers from a hiring freeze and no matter what happens the little key makers won't be replaced.
Meanwhile, across town, the sugar storage facility (more commonly called the liver) starts receiving orders to distribute more sugar. When the pancreas hears this it goes,"Uh, what? We already have too much sugar and we're already working overtime to deal with this!" But the liver replies, "Sorry guys, the cells are claiming that they're starving. My whole purpose in life is to take care of those little cells out there and make sure they're happy. Send more sugar!" And, even though there's more sugar than they could use in a century cruising through their little industrial microcosm, the liver dumps more sugar out there for the cells to consume.
Meanwhile, back at the key factory, the workers making the keys start to drop like flies due to the 168 hour work weeks they've been working. It's slowly at first, but soon turns into an epidemic. With nobody to replace the dying workers the factory shuts down and all of a sudden the whole ecosystem collapses.
From what I understand (and I'm no doctor or specialist so this is the world according to Eric) they haven't found the cause as to why insulin resistance occurs. They have some pretty good guesses that seem to be leading in the right direction, but no set in stone answers. Genetics might play a role (my skin and bones vegan non-insulin dependent type 2 diabetic brother seems to confirm that one). Weight might too (me and my heavyset brother seems to confirm that one too). So might additives and preservatives in our food supply. So might... So might... So might... Well, you get the idea.
So, to come full circle, my weight does NOT mean that I CHOSE to become a Type 2 Diabetic. And I think it's pretty darn rude and irresponsible to say that to someone.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Being Sick
I should have seen this coming... Whenever I get sick my blood sugar readings rise 20 points for no apparent reason. Last Sunday I noticed that all my readings were whacked...
You'd think after 5+ months of doing this I would have had the common sense to realize that I might be coming down with a cold. Naw, it couldn't be anything as simple as that. So, my brain started to scream, "Your meds AREN'T working," "Make an appointment to consult with your Doctor," "Pay more attention to your carb intake," and "You're smarter than this, do what you should be!" to just name a few.
So, instead of hitting the panic button, I decided to sit back and see how it was trending for a few days. I was confident that I could do so because I was doing what I was supposed to. I did increase the number of times I checked my sugar throughout the day, though, just to be a little extra careful. (I'm just thankful that my Doctor made sure that I had the blessing of enough extra strips to do so...).
When I get sick, my blood glucose numbers tend to jump by about 20 points across the board. When you're used to seeing pre-meal numbers between 89 and 117 and all of a sudden they are all in the 130's you start to wonder too many things. For me, the panic subsided when I started to feel extremely yucky on Monday afternoon... Now I knew what was up. Now I could be a little bit more relaxed about those pesky numbers. Now I could let go of the stress.
Now if I could only get rid of this cold that easily...
You'd think after 5+ months of doing this I would have had the common sense to realize that I might be coming down with a cold. Naw, it couldn't be anything as simple as that. So, my brain started to scream, "Your meds AREN'T working," "Make an appointment to consult with your Doctor," "Pay more attention to your carb intake," and "You're smarter than this, do what you should be!" to just name a few.
So, instead of hitting the panic button, I decided to sit back and see how it was trending for a few days. I was confident that I could do so because I was doing what I was supposed to. I did increase the number of times I checked my sugar throughout the day, though, just to be a little extra careful. (I'm just thankful that my Doctor made sure that I had the blessing of enough extra strips to do so...).
When I get sick, my blood glucose numbers tend to jump by about 20 points across the board. When you're used to seeing pre-meal numbers between 89 and 117 and all of a sudden they are all in the 130's you start to wonder too many things. For me, the panic subsided when I started to feel extremely yucky on Monday afternoon... Now I knew what was up. Now I could be a little bit more relaxed about those pesky numbers. Now I could let go of the stress.
Now if I could only get rid of this cold that easily...
Monday, December 3, 2012
Weekend Testing
During the week it's easy for me to test during the day. My daily routine is pretty much consistent so testing and controlling my food intake to specific times comes easy. It's the weekends that make my life difficult.
I like to cook. And that's where I get into trouble. If in the kitchen I tend to piece on whatever is there while I'm cooking (or even if just passing through). I'll have it all planned out to take my blood glucose reading two hours after a meal only to have something magically jump from the counter into my mouth before I could even stop it. So, what do I do now?!? Here I am 30 minutes from stabbing my finger and I know that my reading is gonna be skewed. This is the one problem I still haven't figured out how to deal with yet. So, like I asked before... Now what? (Any suggestions would be appreciated.)
I like to cook. And that's where I get into trouble. If in the kitchen I tend to piece on whatever is there while I'm cooking (or even if just passing through). I'll have it all planned out to take my blood glucose reading two hours after a meal only to have something magically jump from the counter into my mouth before I could even stop it. So, what do I do now?!? Here I am 30 minutes from stabbing my finger and I know that my reading is gonna be skewed. This is the one problem I still haven't figured out how to deal with yet. So, like I asked before... Now what? (Any suggestions would be appreciated.)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
"It's life Jim, but not as we know it..."
I'm pretty confident that Commander Spock said that line more times than I'll ever be able to count... I never thought it would apply to my life... But, it is what it is.
Tonight I had an interesting experience with one of my oldest son's friends. This friend was diagnosed about nine months ago as a Type 1 Diabetic. With as much as he's over at my house his father recently joked that we were going to have to figure out who gets to claim him on our taxes. So I guess you could say he is more family than friend...
Anyway, we were driving to pick up some "take and bake" pizzas from a local business and I was having a hard time coming up with simple words in normal everyday conversation. I jokingly told him that he needed to pull out his sugar tester and check my blood to see if I was going low as I couldn't even complete the simplest of sentences without struggling for the words. The boy freaked on me... He honestly thought that I was in the process of having a low and was going to kill us both if I didn't get some sugar into me right then and there. I told him that I was joking and was fine.
The experience got me thinking a little bit more about our diabetic plight, though. My son's friend and I suffer from two significantly different diseases. So far I haven't experienced a sugar low. I actually don't think I will with my current treatment plan either - I'm not on insulin to control my blood sugar, just medication. My meds prevent the liver from dumping lots of extra sugar into the bloodstream to compensate for my body's inability to effectively use what is already in the blood. Thus, no lows yet... My son's friend, however, has to account for EVERY gram of carbohydrates. One misstep in his math or estimation of carb quantity in his food and he could seriously over or under medicate. When the ONLY insulin in your body comes from a syringe after a finger prick and math problem there is some serious potential for error. Lows are a real and potentially deadly reality for him - thus the freakout in the car...
I guess that's the reality of life as we now know it...
Please note: These observations have been true for me and in no way should be taken as medical advice from me. It's really sad that we live in a world where I actually have to spell hat out because common sense seems to have been thrown out with the bath water. (Five bonus points to anyone who gets that obscure, turn of the century reference...)
Tonight I had an interesting experience with one of my oldest son's friends. This friend was diagnosed about nine months ago as a Type 1 Diabetic. With as much as he's over at my house his father recently joked that we were going to have to figure out who gets to claim him on our taxes. So I guess you could say he is more family than friend...
Anyway, we were driving to pick up some "take and bake" pizzas from a local business and I was having a hard time coming up with simple words in normal everyday conversation. I jokingly told him that he needed to pull out his sugar tester and check my blood to see if I was going low as I couldn't even complete the simplest of sentences without struggling for the words. The boy freaked on me... He honestly thought that I was in the process of having a low and was going to kill us both if I didn't get some sugar into me right then and there. I told him that I was joking and was fine.
The experience got me thinking a little bit more about our diabetic plight, though. My son's friend and I suffer from two significantly different diseases. So far I haven't experienced a sugar low. I actually don't think I will with my current treatment plan either - I'm not on insulin to control my blood sugar, just medication. My meds prevent the liver from dumping lots of extra sugar into the bloodstream to compensate for my body's inability to effectively use what is already in the blood. Thus, no lows yet... My son's friend, however, has to account for EVERY gram of carbohydrates. One misstep in his math or estimation of carb quantity in his food and he could seriously over or under medicate. When the ONLY insulin in your body comes from a syringe after a finger prick and math problem there is some serious potential for error. Lows are a real and potentially deadly reality for him - thus the freakout in the car...
I guess that's the reality of life as we now know it...
Please note: These observations have been true for me and in no way should be taken as medical advice from me. It's really sad that we live in a world where I actually have to spell hat out because common sense seems to have been thrown out with the bath water. (Five bonus points to anyone who gets that obscure, turn of the century reference...)
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