My First Diaversary

** Editors note:  I wrote this on my iPad and thought that I had posted it. Unfortunately I must have only saved it as a draft.  This post was originally written on June 29, 2013.  Sorry gang... **

Where does one begin when reflecting on their first year of diabetes?  Do I only share the highs?  Only the lows?  (Honestly, I didn't mean to make such a literal diabetes reference this early in the post...) Do I balance the highs and lows in a practically perfect way?  (Oops, there's another one.)  Do I then ride an umbrella over London until the camera fades to the credits of my life?

In the vastly complicated world that is diabetes one must every now and then kick back and reevaluate where they are and where they're going.  For me that must also include a look at a less than perfect the past.  I think that while reflecting on my first diaversary (thanks Kerri for teaching me that word) I'd like to invite you along on my journey of self inspection.

When I started this journey I was a little more prepared than most.  Having watched loved ones deal with diabetes for most of my life I knew that someday I might end up taking the same path that they were on.  In 2008 I made a valiant attempt at getting myself healthier but shot my efforts in the foot during a family vacation a few months after starting.  I gave up hope and couldn't keep my efforts on track.  I had tried for four years to be successful, though only half-heartedly.  And then, the news finally arrived that I was now climbing my own mountain of diabetes.

This past year has brought about quite a few moments of success -- and a bunch of failures.  Is there a ... a yin and yang so to speak, where all of my success must be perfectly balanced by failures?  If so, I have quite a pile of successes heading my way -- and sooner, rather than later, would be preferred.

In the meantime, here's a summary of both the good and bad from the last year:

• Eating less carbs
• Substituting less healthy food for carbs
• Lowered my A1c by 1.1 from diagnosis
• A1c crept up by .1 at my last check
• Blog hasn't been posted to regularly
• Started a blog to help me work through the emotional complexities that are diabetes
• Eliminated all caffeine and soda from my life
• Two knee surgeries so I could become more active
• Two knee surgeries left me temporarily less active
• Lost twenty pounds during my first three months as a diabetic
• Gained 16 pounds back during the post-surgery months
• My three oldest children are trying to carb overload me to get their inheritance
• My youngest child cares how many carbs are in items but doesn't comprehend the math to save me from the carb overloading of the other three

With all joking about carb overloading from the oldest three children put aside, I can honestly say it has been quite the year this year.  I've learned many positive things and quite a few critical things about myself and what I can (or choose) to accomplish.  With any luck over this next year I will continue to climb higher up this mountain without too many slides backwards.

The Cosmic Perspective

There are certain blogs that I log onto each day to sort of “check-in” on what is happening in my little world.  These are the blogs that allow me to remain positive and filled with hope.  One such blog is written by Mara Wilson.  (Yes, that Mara Wilson.)  In one of her recent postings, Mara talks about meeting astronomer Dr. Neil deGrasse-Tyson and asking him a question.  Dr. deGrasse-Tyson’s response sent Mara off on a search to find the answer – to find the cosmic perspective.

Ever since reading Mara’s post I have thought about Dr. deGrasse-Tyson’s answer.  It’s quite a long response but well worth the read.  And, for some reason, I kept finding my mind wandering back to ponder his words.  And I’m glad that it did wander as it led me to some insights into my diabetes.

When dealing with diabetes I have found that I am often overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of all that having diabetes means.  Watch this, avoid that, wonder what happened when something isn’t quite behaving normally, cut back this, increase that, etc.  In short, like Mara, I sometimes “feel so small.”

And that’s where the article that was written by Dr. deGrasse-Tyson comes in.  Diabetes is this huge, cosmic universe.  It encompasses everything in my daily life – from now until my journey on this world is done – and that really makes me feel overwhelmed.  But Dr. deGrasse-Tyson’s article explains that the “cosmic perspective reminds us to see beyond our circumstances.”

On a daily basis I get tied up in the day to day things of diabetes – test strips, carb counting, portion control and food choices (to just name a few).  These things can and do consume most of my waking thoughts.  And even though these items are critically important, I can’t let them focus me to the point that all I see is one thing and miss all the other amazing things that this life has to offer – I have to keep a cosmic perspective.

Is the universe big?  Yes.  Is diabetes a huge thing?  Yes.  Can I see beyond my diabetic circumstances?  I am desperately trying to – and I will.

Highs and Lows

For almost two weeks now I have been a wee bit under the weather. You see, I had this ugly sinus infection that decided it didn't like its' current place of residence. So, seeing the "for rent" sign posted by my lungs, it decided that a move was in order. Needless to say, walking pneumonia really isn't that cool of a thing to be dealing with (sugar readings all over the place and lots of other "quirky" things). But, this isn't what I wanted to write about today...

Last Friday, despite the moving party that was occurring inside my body, I trudged off to physical therapy (mainly because I had forgotten to cancel the appointment and was going to get charged either way). After donning my mask to prevent me from spreading any germs I proceeded to trudge through 10 minutes of wall slides, having my knee "knifed" to break up the scar tissue, 10 minutes on the stationary bike, three minutes of squats against the wall, two reps of 10 "four ways" fighting the resistance tubing attached to the wall, two reps of 15 hamstring curls, two reps of 20 ball tosses while only standing on my surgery leg and finally five minutes on the StairMaster 4000 (roughly 10 flights of stairs).

I was just cruising past the seventh floor of my imaginary ten story building when it happened: my body started to shake uncontrollably and instead of just trudging along through my last three flights of stairs I had to call it quits. After curling up on the therapy table and having the electrodes attached to and ice placed on my knee I pulled out my sugar tester and stabbed my finger. Shoot. Zombie finger (thanks Kerri for teaching me that term). So I felt around and found my warmest finger and stabbed it. Fortunately I was able to get just enough blood to get a reading: 68 mg/dl. I had just caught my first low.

For those of you just joining me here's the recap: 72 minutes into a 75 minute workout my sugars tanked. My physical therapy was first thing in the morning, I hadn't grabbed anything to eat and I hadn't brought anything with me to correct my shortsightedness.  And, I was paying the price.

And then it happened. I felt an intense wave of heat and dizziness sweep over my body.  I'd felt these same sensations before. I had always attributed them to being tired, but this time things were different. I was still a little disorientated from the low but was fearful that I was going even lower and that this was another sign of the low I was surfing. I pulled out my tester and went for the other side of my non-zombie finger to see where I was headed (I still had about nine minutes left of knee muscle shock therapy). Lo and behold I was reading 132 mg/dl. Can you say "LIVER DUMP" boys and girls?

I guess I should be grateful that my liver works somewhat correctly and did what it was supposed to (and had enough glucose in storage). I should be, but I'm not. I'm pretty scared that I had a 64 mg/dl swing in roughly eight minutes. I should be grateful that I have a better understanding of how my diabetes causes my body to work. Instead I have fears and insecurities that continue to haunt me.

New Years

Well, another year has slipped into the history books.  There was lots of change in my life over the last year.  Here are just a few of the highlights (I’ve included explanations by way of hash tags):

• Diagnosed a Type 2 Diabetic. #icandohardthings
• Knee surgery. #ouch
• Earlobe extension surgery. #checkingtoseeifyoureawake
• Cancer scare. #cancersucks
• Watching my children fail. #whydonttheylearn
• Surgery on wife’s ankle. #doubleouch
• Newtown, Connecticut. #tragedy
• Being banned from soda. #byebyedrpepper

Not everything was bad:

• Knee surgery. #nopain
• Weight loss. #20poundsgone
• Increased exercise. #walkskiporrun
• Didn’t have cancer. #cancersucks
• Camping with son in Wyoming. #martinscove
• Camping with family at Goblin Valley. #noberylliumspherehere
• Watching my children succeed. #theywerelistening
• Kissing my wife on New Year’s Eve. #stillinlove
• Newtown, Connecticut. #hugyourkids
• Being banned from soda. #drinkwater

I hope you and your family have a great 2013!

Vigilance

Wow.  I never thought that I would ever need to write this post, but the events of the last week have - shall we say - opened my eyes to a problem I have.

 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently had knee surgery.  To complicate this, my wife had surgery to remove a bone spur on her heal and stretch her achilles tendon.  To quote her Doctor, "Your toes need to be elevated above your nose for the next two weeks."  So, short of trips to the powder room (does anyone really call it that anymore?), she is flat on her back in bed.

 

What does this have to do with vigilance?  Let me start by saying that I have no clue how my beloved wife is able to accomplish everything she does in a day.  Having dealt with everything she does for the better part of a week now, I'm at a loss to explain how she has the time to do it short of magic (time-turner anyone?).

 

This morning while sitting in physical therapy with my knee wrapped in a pile of heat wraps I realized that I hadn't checked my blood glucose in almost two days.  Oops...  I also realized that I didn't take my meds yesterday.  Double oops... Would being on insulin make these "oops'" fewer and farther between? Definitely, as I'm sure having to put a needle into my body EVERY meal would be a constant reminder to do what is right... But for now I'm not on insulin and have got to figure out a better way of managing my diabetes (any and all suggestions are currently being solicited - leave a comment if you want to help this silly man out).