Ok. So horrendous is a pretty harsh word but here's my dilemma: I love holiday treats (to the point of being prepared for their annual associated weight gain). The dilemma is that I'm only allowed 225 grams of carbs per day, split between three meals and three snacks, and with a maximum of 75 grams at any of those meals / snacks. So, being the treat lover that I am I have a problem...
Now, before I go on, I want to mention the following... What you are about to read are the random musings of a sleep deprived, sugar craving, Type 2, non-insulin dependent, diabetic. To be honest, I am grateful that the phrase "non-insulin dependent" describes me. So, don't think I'm complaining or wishing to take shots of insulin by what I'm about to say ('cause I'm not!).
Sometimes I'm a little jealous of my sons Type 1 friend. I try to watch my carbs, but I crave sugar - a lot! I was told once that if I were to give up my diet drinks that craving would diminish over time... (Good luck with that one as it is one of the few "free" flavorful things I get to taste.) But I digress. I am occasionally jealous of our friend in that he gets to eat whatever he wants as long as he bolus's enough insulin to accommodate all of his desired carbs. While I'm left with just plain old willpower...
Willpower. What a word. When it works and you are successful it's an amazing feeling. When it fails it can be one of the lows of lows. "You know better!" "You couldn't even go for one day without failing!" "What were you thinking?" "You suck!" Those little words that you hear every time you're alone, late at night, after falling off the controlled sugar wagon - those daemons that haunt you in an attempt to suck away even more of your willpower.
I never figured out how to deal with willpower issues before becoming a diabetic. And now that the quality of my life, my future, depends upon willpower I MUST find a way to succeed.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Dying Little Key Makers
Just so we are clear: because someone is overweight does NOT mean that they will become a diabetic.
It's truly sad that I really have to spell that out. The one thing that I have seen in the media, on blog comments, etc. that really angers me is when someone says that because I am fat I chose to become a type 2 diabetic. Is weight a contributing factor? Probably. The way my doctor explained it to me, however, is that there are little locked doors on each of my cells where sugar enters them. Insulin is the key to unlock those doors. For some reason my cell doors stop opening all the way when the key gets inserted (also known as insulin resistance). My cells then send the message that they are starving. So, the pancreas decides that it isn't making enough keys to do its' job successfully, so it starts requiring all the little key makers to work OVERTIME. (Imagine the hours Santa's elves are currently working and you get a pretty good idea of what is going on...). So the key makers put in their mandatory overtime hours and it seems to be working. However, the pancreas currently suffers from a hiring freeze and no matter what happens the little key makers won't be replaced.
Meanwhile, across town, the sugar storage facility (more commonly called the liver) starts receiving orders to distribute more sugar. When the pancreas hears this it goes,"Uh, what? We already have too much sugar and we're already working overtime to deal with this!" But the liver replies, "Sorry guys, the cells are claiming that they're starving. My whole purpose in life is to take care of those little cells out there and make sure they're happy. Send more sugar!" And, even though there's more sugar than they could use in a century cruising through their little industrial microcosm, the liver dumps more sugar out there for the cells to consume.
Meanwhile, back at the key factory, the workers making the keys start to drop like flies due to the 168 hour work weeks they've been working. It's slowly at first, but soon turns into an epidemic. With nobody to replace the dying workers the factory shuts down and all of a sudden the whole ecosystem collapses.
From what I understand (and I'm no doctor or specialist so this is the world according to Eric) they haven't found the cause as to why insulin resistance occurs. They have some pretty good guesses that seem to be leading in the right direction, but no set in stone answers. Genetics might play a role (my skin and bones vegan non-insulin dependent type 2 diabetic brother seems to confirm that one). Weight might too (me and my heavyset brother seems to confirm that one too). So might additives and preservatives in our food supply. So might... So might... So might... Well, you get the idea.
So, to come full circle, my weight does NOT mean that I CHOSE to become a Type 2 Diabetic. And I think it's pretty darn rude and irresponsible to say that to someone.
It's truly sad that I really have to spell that out. The one thing that I have seen in the media, on blog comments, etc. that really angers me is when someone says that because I am fat I chose to become a type 2 diabetic. Is weight a contributing factor? Probably. The way my doctor explained it to me, however, is that there are little locked doors on each of my cells where sugar enters them. Insulin is the key to unlock those doors. For some reason my cell doors stop opening all the way when the key gets inserted (also known as insulin resistance). My cells then send the message that they are starving. So, the pancreas decides that it isn't making enough keys to do its' job successfully, so it starts requiring all the little key makers to work OVERTIME. (Imagine the hours Santa's elves are currently working and you get a pretty good idea of what is going on...). So the key makers put in their mandatory overtime hours and it seems to be working. However, the pancreas currently suffers from a hiring freeze and no matter what happens the little key makers won't be replaced.
Meanwhile, across town, the sugar storage facility (more commonly called the liver) starts receiving orders to distribute more sugar. When the pancreas hears this it goes,"Uh, what? We already have too much sugar and we're already working overtime to deal with this!" But the liver replies, "Sorry guys, the cells are claiming that they're starving. My whole purpose in life is to take care of those little cells out there and make sure they're happy. Send more sugar!" And, even though there's more sugar than they could use in a century cruising through their little industrial microcosm, the liver dumps more sugar out there for the cells to consume.
Meanwhile, back at the key factory, the workers making the keys start to drop like flies due to the 168 hour work weeks they've been working. It's slowly at first, but soon turns into an epidemic. With nobody to replace the dying workers the factory shuts down and all of a sudden the whole ecosystem collapses.
From what I understand (and I'm no doctor or specialist so this is the world according to Eric) they haven't found the cause as to why insulin resistance occurs. They have some pretty good guesses that seem to be leading in the right direction, but no set in stone answers. Genetics might play a role (my skin and bones vegan non-insulin dependent type 2 diabetic brother seems to confirm that one). Weight might too (me and my heavyset brother seems to confirm that one too). So might additives and preservatives in our food supply. So might... So might... So might... Well, you get the idea.
So, to come full circle, my weight does NOT mean that I CHOSE to become a Type 2 Diabetic. And I think it's pretty darn rude and irresponsible to say that to someone.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Being Sick
I should have seen this coming... Whenever I get sick my blood sugar readings rise 20 points for no apparent reason. Last Sunday I noticed that all my readings were whacked...
You'd think after 5+ months of doing this I would have had the common sense to realize that I might be coming down with a cold. Naw, it couldn't be anything as simple as that. So, my brain started to scream, "Your meds AREN'T working," "Make an appointment to consult with your Doctor," "Pay more attention to your carb intake," and "You're smarter than this, do what you should be!" to just name a few.
So, instead of hitting the panic button, I decided to sit back and see how it was trending for a few days. I was confident that I could do so because I was doing what I was supposed to. I did increase the number of times I checked my sugar throughout the day, though, just to be a little extra careful. (I'm just thankful that my Doctor made sure that I had the blessing of enough extra strips to do so...).
When I get sick, my blood glucose numbers tend to jump by about 20 points across the board. When you're used to seeing pre-meal numbers between 89 and 117 and all of a sudden they are all in the 130's you start to wonder too many things. For me, the panic subsided when I started to feel extremely yucky on Monday afternoon... Now I knew what was up. Now I could be a little bit more relaxed about those pesky numbers. Now I could let go of the stress.
Now if I could only get rid of this cold that easily...
You'd think after 5+ months of doing this I would have had the common sense to realize that I might be coming down with a cold. Naw, it couldn't be anything as simple as that. So, my brain started to scream, "Your meds AREN'T working," "Make an appointment to consult with your Doctor," "Pay more attention to your carb intake," and "You're smarter than this, do what you should be!" to just name a few.
So, instead of hitting the panic button, I decided to sit back and see how it was trending for a few days. I was confident that I could do so because I was doing what I was supposed to. I did increase the number of times I checked my sugar throughout the day, though, just to be a little extra careful. (I'm just thankful that my Doctor made sure that I had the blessing of enough extra strips to do so...).
When I get sick, my blood glucose numbers tend to jump by about 20 points across the board. When you're used to seeing pre-meal numbers between 89 and 117 and all of a sudden they are all in the 130's you start to wonder too many things. For me, the panic subsided when I started to feel extremely yucky on Monday afternoon... Now I knew what was up. Now I could be a little bit more relaxed about those pesky numbers. Now I could let go of the stress.
Now if I could only get rid of this cold that easily...
Monday, December 3, 2012
Weekend Testing
During the week it's easy for me to test during the day. My daily routine is pretty much consistent so testing and controlling my food intake to specific times comes easy. It's the weekends that make my life difficult.
I like to cook. And that's where I get into trouble. If in the kitchen I tend to piece on whatever is there while I'm cooking (or even if just passing through). I'll have it all planned out to take my blood glucose reading two hours after a meal only to have something magically jump from the counter into my mouth before I could even stop it. So, what do I do now?!? Here I am 30 minutes from stabbing my finger and I know that my reading is gonna be skewed. This is the one problem I still haven't figured out how to deal with yet. So, like I asked before... Now what? (Any suggestions would be appreciated.)
I like to cook. And that's where I get into trouble. If in the kitchen I tend to piece on whatever is there while I'm cooking (or even if just passing through). I'll have it all planned out to take my blood glucose reading two hours after a meal only to have something magically jump from the counter into my mouth before I could even stop it. So, what do I do now?!? Here I am 30 minutes from stabbing my finger and I know that my reading is gonna be skewed. This is the one problem I still haven't figured out how to deal with yet. So, like I asked before... Now what? (Any suggestions would be appreciated.)
Sunday, December 2, 2012
"It's life Jim, but not as we know it..."
I'm pretty confident that Commander Spock said that line more times than I'll ever be able to count... I never thought it would apply to my life... But, it is what it is.
Tonight I had an interesting experience with one of my oldest son's friends. This friend was diagnosed about nine months ago as a Type 1 Diabetic. With as much as he's over at my house his father recently joked that we were going to have to figure out who gets to claim him on our taxes. So I guess you could say he is more family than friend...
Anyway, we were driving to pick up some "take and bake" pizzas from a local business and I was having a hard time coming up with simple words in normal everyday conversation. I jokingly told him that he needed to pull out his sugar tester and check my blood to see if I was going low as I couldn't even complete the simplest of sentences without struggling for the words. The boy freaked on me... He honestly thought that I was in the process of having a low and was going to kill us both if I didn't get some sugar into me right then and there. I told him that I was joking and was fine.
The experience got me thinking a little bit more about our diabetic plight, though. My son's friend and I suffer from two significantly different diseases. So far I haven't experienced a sugar low. I actually don't think I will with my current treatment plan either - I'm not on insulin to control my blood sugar, just medication. My meds prevent the liver from dumping lots of extra sugar into the bloodstream to compensate for my body's inability to effectively use what is already in the blood. Thus, no lows yet... My son's friend, however, has to account for EVERY gram of carbohydrates. One misstep in his math or estimation of carb quantity in his food and he could seriously over or under medicate. When the ONLY insulin in your body comes from a syringe after a finger prick and math problem there is some serious potential for error. Lows are a real and potentially deadly reality for him - thus the freakout in the car...
I guess that's the reality of life as we now know it...
Please note: These observations have been true for me and in no way should be taken as medical advice from me. It's really sad that we live in a world where I actually have to spell hat out because common sense seems to have been thrown out with the bath water. (Five bonus points to anyone who gets that obscure, turn of the century reference...)
Tonight I had an interesting experience with one of my oldest son's friends. This friend was diagnosed about nine months ago as a Type 1 Diabetic. With as much as he's over at my house his father recently joked that we were going to have to figure out who gets to claim him on our taxes. So I guess you could say he is more family than friend...
Anyway, we were driving to pick up some "take and bake" pizzas from a local business and I was having a hard time coming up with simple words in normal everyday conversation. I jokingly told him that he needed to pull out his sugar tester and check my blood to see if I was going low as I couldn't even complete the simplest of sentences without struggling for the words. The boy freaked on me... He honestly thought that I was in the process of having a low and was going to kill us both if I didn't get some sugar into me right then and there. I told him that I was joking and was fine.
The experience got me thinking a little bit more about our diabetic plight, though. My son's friend and I suffer from two significantly different diseases. So far I haven't experienced a sugar low. I actually don't think I will with my current treatment plan either - I'm not on insulin to control my blood sugar, just medication. My meds prevent the liver from dumping lots of extra sugar into the bloodstream to compensate for my body's inability to effectively use what is already in the blood. Thus, no lows yet... My son's friend, however, has to account for EVERY gram of carbohydrates. One misstep in his math or estimation of carb quantity in his food and he could seriously over or under medicate. When the ONLY insulin in your body comes from a syringe after a finger prick and math problem there is some serious potential for error. Lows are a real and potentially deadly reality for him - thus the freakout in the car...
I guess that's the reality of life as we now know it...
Please note: These observations have been true for me and in no way should be taken as medical advice from me. It's really sad that we live in a world where I actually have to spell hat out because common sense seems to have been thrown out with the bath water. (Five bonus points to anyone who gets that obscure, turn of the century reference...)
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