My First Diaversary

** Editors note:  I wrote this on my iPad and thought that I had posted it. Unfortunately I must have only saved it as a draft.  This post was originally written on June 29, 2013.  Sorry gang... **

Where does one begin when reflecting on their first year of diabetes?  Do I only share the highs?  Only the lows?  (Honestly, I didn't mean to make such a literal diabetes reference this early in the post...) Do I balance the highs and lows in a practically perfect way?  (Oops, there's another one.)  Do I then ride an umbrella over London until the camera fades to the credits of my life?

In the vastly complicated world that is diabetes one must every now and then kick back and reevaluate where they are and where they're going.  For me that must also include a look at a less than perfect the past.  I think that while reflecting on my first diaversary (thanks Kerri for teaching me that word) I'd like to invite you along on my journey of self inspection.

When I started this journey I was a little more prepared than most.  Having watched loved ones deal with diabetes for most of my life I knew that someday I might end up taking the same path that they were on.  In 2008 I made a valiant attempt at getting myself healthier but shot my efforts in the foot during a family vacation a few months after starting.  I gave up hope and couldn't keep my efforts on track.  I had tried for four years to be successful, though only half-heartedly.  And then, the news finally arrived that I was now climbing my own mountain of diabetes.

This past year has brought about quite a few moments of success -- and a bunch of failures.  Is there a ... a yin and yang so to speak, where all of my success must be perfectly balanced by failures?  If so, I have quite a pile of successes heading my way -- and sooner, rather than later, would be preferred.

In the meantime, here's a summary of both the good and bad from the last year:

• Eating less carbs
• Substituting less healthy food for carbs
• Lowered my A1c by 1.1 from diagnosis
• A1c crept up by .1 at my last check
• Blog hasn't been posted to regularly
• Started a blog to help me work through the emotional complexities that are diabetes
• Eliminated all caffeine and soda from my life
• Two knee surgeries so I could become more active
• Two knee surgeries left me temporarily less active
• Lost twenty pounds during my first three months as a diabetic
• Gained 16 pounds back during the post-surgery months
• My three oldest children are trying to carb overload me to get their inheritance
• My youngest child cares how many carbs are in items but doesn't comprehend the math to save me from the carb overloading of the other three

With all joking about carb overloading from the oldest three children put aside, I can honestly say it has been quite the year this year.  I've learned many positive things and quite a few critical things about myself and what I can (or choose) to accomplish.  With any luck over this next year I will continue to climb higher up this mountain without too many slides backwards.

Hello World

Today is a new day.  It’s a scary day for me.  Today is the day that I tell the world that I’m a diabetic.

I. Am. Diabetic.

There!  It doesn’t seem so scary now that I’ve said it.  Lots of things in this life are scary until we finally confront them and prove to ourselves that there was nothing to be scared about.  Diabetes, however, is scary.  To be told that you now have a disease that is non-curable and will affect the choices you make EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is scary.  Finding out that diabetes increases your chance of having high blood pressure, heart disease, heart attacks, strokes, blindness, kidney disease, nerve damage, dental disease, foot problems and amputations is pretty darn scary too (not to mention overwhelming).

Many years ago when I took my first computer programming class I wrote the following program:
   10 print “Hello World!”
   20 goto 10
This little program would print on the screen “Hello World!” until such time as it was stopped by an outside source.  For the last five months since being diagnosed as a Type 2 Diabetic I felt a little bit like that program - always falling and never stopping.  Falling?  Yes.  My life has felt as if it’s been in free-fall as I come to terms with this scary, life changing diagnosis.  I’ve attended diabetes education classes at the local hospital.  I’ve learned about my new constant companion.  I’ve learned about nutrition.  I’ve learned about future side effects.  I’ve learned about control.  I’ve learned sooooo much…  Yet I have so much more I need to learn.  I want desperately for someone to come along and, in the immortal words of George Jetson, “stop this crazy thing!”

And so, like the little program above, I’ve been waiting.  Well, I can’t wait any longer.  The time has come for me to stop falling and land - and to land I must confront my fear and not hide my condition like it’s a secret and that I should be ashamed.

So, in honor of November being Diabetes Awareness Month, I’m starting this blog.  What do I want it to be, do or become?  I really don’t know.  What I do know is that it will contain my thoughts about the journey that I’m on (and in no way should EVER be taken as medical advice).  I have a huge mountain to climb just to learn about this disease and an even higher mountain as I try to keep myself healthy for the rest of my life.